Abû Hurayrah relates that a man said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Counsel me.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Do not get angry.” The man repeated his request many times, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) kept saying: “Do not get angry.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ]
“I’ll do it right away. I’m sorry if I blocked your way. I wish you could be more polite. There’s no need to yell. You could ask me to move my car without shouting and yelling.”
This unpleasant experience disrupted my whole day and made me feel upset for hours. It made me wonder why many Saudis always choose the angry approach when dealing with each other on a daily basis. It sometimes seems as if no day goes by without experiencing such a disturbing situation. It is, in fact, a form of social conduct that many members of our society engage in. It is clear that we, unfortunately, tend to have an aura of arrogance when conducting our daily business and dealing with others.
It is difficult to explain the reason behind such social behavior. I tried to link it to stress, but the level of stress we have in Saudi Arabia is not as high as in other parts of the world. In many ways, it is quite the opposite. We live in a rather relaxed environment. Could it then be that it is because of an overwhelming feeling of frustration that prevails among a substantial number of our citizens?
Everywhere in the Kingdom, be it an educational or government institution, private establishment, or even a social gathering of friends or family members, the overwhelming tone of people’s conversations is that nothing is going in the right direction. It gives the impression that there is little here that pleases most Saudi citizens.
Let us consider the negative impact of such disturbing social behavior. A feeling of anger often deteriorates into shouting and screaming, and the source could be parents who mostly choose not to speak to their children softly and gently. Those children later become teachers, employers, and other prominent figures in society. They continue to engage in the undesirable conduct that their parents have instilled in them. It then becomes second nature in every generation that follows. This partially explains how anger spoils our daily interactions with others and creates around us a tense environment where nothing seemingly can be done peacefully and smoothly.
Personally, I put the blame mostly on parents who scream and shout instead of creating a tranquil and peaceful environment for their children. The eventual result is that children become frustrated, lose their self-esteem, and adopt, in the end, the same negative behavior.
To be able to overcome this worrying social problem, we need to find a way to convince parents to change the way they bring up their children. This might be accomplished through an awareness campaign.
Parents should be encouraged to attend workshops and training sessions, which might convince them that there are better alternatives to screaming and shouting and that what they do with their children at home could have a negative impact on society. Parents, after all, need to manage and control their anger and avoid directing it toward their children. They should always try to address their children in a positive way, and to remember that they must act as role models of what good parents should be.— The writer is a Saudi academic who can be reached at [email protected]
