Itefaq nama: A fictitious diary of Nawaz Sharif
Meray aziz humwatno, God has kept me. Allah nay rakha hai. As you know, I came from London next week.
I mean last week. I and your bhabi were in a plane and as it began driving down the run away, suddenly there was loud crash and the whole plane quivered and trembled like a new dulhan (bride) and then the pilot braked hard and soon he told all us passengers that we had to go back.
Because the nose of the plane had fallen off. Hain ji, I asked the air hostess. She said, ‘Just imagine’ and walked off. Then I called the steward. He was Urdu speaking from Krachi.
‘What happened, hain ji?” I asked. He said ‘Captain has announced that the nose has fallen off. Aap nay suna naheen? Naak kat gayee hai, Mian Sahab, naak kat gayee hamari. Jee haan”. I asked steward kay now what. He said, ‘istewardess say poochhiye’.
I asked her. She said, ‘Don’t worry. Captain is asking Heathrow if they can give us a new nose. Just imagine.’ After one hour we were still stewing in plane. I asked steward kay now what.
He said, ‘you know goras. They are being too ismart. They are saying we don’t do nose jobs and certainly not on a Sunday’.
Air hostess again said, ‘just imagine’ and walked off. Perhaps Asif Zardari has cut off nose of plane to delay me, I thought. I again asked steward. He said, ‘no, no Mian Sahab. It is work of CIA and Masood’.
Who Masood is, I asked. He said, ‘Israeli Secretive Service’. Then he told me, ‘they are always doing these things to malign Muslims. CIA and Masood. Everybody knows they did 9/11. Also, last time a Pakistani plane crashed it was in Kenzania or some place in Africa where there was CIA-Masood training camp. This is their tit for tit. They are taking badla.’
Finally, new aircraft was prepared and we flew home. When we were about to land, steward came back to my seat and started chatting.
He loves beloved Lahore, he told me, specially that nice restaurant in Shahi Mohalla, Cuckoo’s Nest.
I have fantastic sense of human so I smiled and said, “‘One Flew Over Cuckoo’s Nest, hain ji?’
As we were disembarking I noticed two Mummy-Daddy buoys at the back of cabin.
They were saying loudly-loudly that they were Imran Khan supporters. I think so because they wanted me to hear. I said to older buoy, ‘beta, aap kay valid hayat hain?’ He started laughing and said, ‘naheen ji, Malik Aurangzeb hain’.
At that I said, ‘does your father know what his sahibzada is doing?’
To which he again replied, ‘Why should he care? Sahibzada Yaqub Khan can do what he likes’ and started laughing again. Just imagine!
