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Zardari-Nawaz Mutual Backstabbing & Traitorous Anti-Pakistan Acts : US Ambassador Meddling in Pakistan Affairs by WIKILEAKS







2009 January 5, 13:11 (Monday)
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TE – Telegram (cable)
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Raw content
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1. (S) Summary:
President Zardari told the Ambassador January 2 he would have no choice but to respond militarily to an Indian attack. There was no more politically sensitive issue in Pakistan than Kashmir, he said. Zardari had been briefed by ISI Director General, LTG Pasha, on his meeting with the DCIA in Washington, and he had concurred in the release of the “tearline” information to be passed to the Indians. Zardari also discussed his increasing frustration with Nawaz Sharif’s government in the Punjab, whom he believed had tipped off Jamaat-ul-Dawa (JUD) about the assets freeze ordered by the federal government. Zardari discussed his concern about relations with India and his conviction that he (and Chief of Army Staff General Kayani) represented the best hope for better relations with India. Zardari needs additional resources for the police, particularly in the Federally Administered Tribal Areas (FATA) and Northwest Frontier Province (NWFP), and he was looking forward to his upcoming trip to Afghanistan.
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2. (S) Ambassador called on President Zardari January 2 to discuss follow-up to the Mumbai investigation. Zardari said he had been briefed by Lt. General Pasha on his meeting with DCIA, and he had approved the release of “tearline” information to the Indians. He wanted to emphasize he (and General Kayani) were fully committed to better relations with India. He reminded the Ambassador that it had only taken a “phone call” from the U.S. to ensure that Pakistan did not oppose the U.S./India civil nuclear deal at the Nuclear Suppliers Group. Zardari emphasized he had no problem making decisions, recalling that we had asked him to refuse the release of detainees in the context of “peace deals” when the Army and ISI were pressing to do so. But he said there was no way that he could let India attack Pakistan: many in the West did not understand the importance of Kashmir in Pakistani public opinion.
3. (C) Zardari indicated clearly that he was disinclined to repeal with 17th amendment (which gives the President the power to appoint the service chiefs, judges, and the Election Commissioner.) He justified this on the grounds that the initiative had to come from parliament. (Nawaz Sharif lately has been pressing Zardari to fulfill his electoral commitment to repeal this amendment, which codified Musharraf’s Legal Framework Order.)
4. (S) Zardari said that he was increasingly losing patience with Nawaz Sharif’s government in the Punjab, and he believed that a confrontation was looming. He said that Pakistani Muslim League-Nawaz Chief Minister Shabbaz Sharif had tipped off the JUD about the UNSCR 1267 mandated asset freeze, resulting in almost empty bank accounts. (Information from MOI does indicate that bank accounts contained surprisingly small amounts.) Zardari suggested Lahore Principal Officer might mediate between the Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) Governor and Shabbaz Sharif who increasingly are publicly at odds. Ambassador noted that his government had been “holding over Nawaz’s head” the Supreme Court’s decision on Nawaz’s eligibility to run for office. Zardari replied, “yes, but it doesn’t seem to be doing much good anymore.” Zardari dismissed Nawaz’s ability to bring crowds into the street in the Punjab if his party was removed from the Punjab government.
5. (S) Ambassador and Zardari discussed U.S. assistance issues, particularly in regard to upcoming visits of A/S Boucher and CODEL Reed. As usual, Zardari asked for additional support, particularly to fund additional police in FATA and NWFP, which could hold territory after the army and the Frontier Corps moved out. He said that he needed 100,000 police in each province. (There are now 48,000 police in NWFP.) And he needed equipment quickly. He said that he was going to ask us to reprogram some of our funding, since “without security, none of the other programs matter.”
6. (S) Zardari confirmed again at the end of the conversation that Pakistan would not allow non-state actors to dictate state policy, but that the GOP would respond if the Indians attacked. He recommended a report done in India which indicated that Indian Muslims are treated poorly and are among the least prosperous members of society. He said that the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) was trying to whip up anti-Muslim sentiment. Moreover, there were plenty of extremist groups in India that could have assisted Lashkar-e-Taiba.
7. (C) Ambassador asked about Swat. He said flatly they did not have the troops to hold it. Ambassador asked the status of Asfandyar Wali Khan, the head of Awami National Party, who was ostensibly in charge of the NWFP government. Zardari just rolled his eyes.
8. (S) Zardari said his trip to Afghanistan had been rescheduled for January 7. He laughed about the rumors that civilian military struggles in Pakistan had prompted the delay. In truth, he said, he did not like to fly in bad weather, and he was worried about security. Ambassador had asked Interior Minister Rehman Malik several times about the status of Brahamdagh Bugti who is in exile in Afghanistan. (Readers will recall that the status of Mr. Bugti was a major bilateral irritant between Afghanistan and the Musharraf government since Musharraf wanted Bugti “deported” to Pakistan by Karzai to “face justice” for participation in separatist activities.) Zardari said he was going to ask Karzai to keep him in Afghanistan: Bugti was now involved in conflicts for supremacy in his tribe. Zardari said that government was drafting legislation to give the Balochis more autonomy and political control.(Amb ANN) PATTERSON

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International Tender for running Pakistan

International Tender for running Pakistan

Vaqar Ahmed

Tender No. GOP 2013/193CTR/PTL/TEN/420

Tender Notice for Running the Country

The Government of Pakistan requires the service of an International Organisation to run the country for a period of twenty-five years.

Country Background:
It is generally believed that Pakistan was created for the Muslims of India. However, there is still debate in the country after 65 years of its creation regarding the ideology of Pakistan. Some say that Pakistan came into being so unexpectedly that no one had the time to define its ideology. 
The state of Pakistan can be categorised as one of the following (or any combination thereof):

Since the creation of Pakistan, following governments have been in place:
1947 – 1948 Mohammed Ali Jinnah, founder of Pakistan was the first head of the state. Unfortunately, he passed away in 1948.
1948 – 1958 During this period 10 governments came and went. During this time a prime minister was assassinated and another exiled.
1958 – 1968 First Military coup and Martial law. The new Chief Martial Law Administrator and later President and Field Marshal, Mohammed Ayub Khan, ruled for ten years. People got sick and tired of dictatorship and went out in the streets calling the gentleman-soldier a dog. This broke his heart and he resigned. He was a decent sort of a chap who enriched only his own family and in return built many dams and a new city. He also authored a book titled “Friends Not Masters”. Following the poor performance of the subsequent governments, he is today remembered as a Saint.
1971 The job of running the country became easier as the enslaved half of the country was freed through the goodwill and humanitarianism of the Pakistan military. The freed slaves made their own country called Bangladesh. The people of Bangladesh proved to be very ungrateful and now refuse to play cricket with Pakistan.
1972 – 1977 A young Oxford educated feudal Mr. Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto became the Chief Martial Law Administrator and then the Prime Minister. His main strength was his fiery speeches in good English and bad Urdu. He was such a good Muslim that he accepted all the key demands of the clerics like declaring the Ahmedis non-Muslims and banning alcohol. Being a man of conscience he started drinking heavily to lessen the pain of taking such horrid decisions. He also wisely purged all the left wing troublemakers in his party and replaced them with solid, reliable and wise men from the feudal class.
1977 – 1987 Mr. Bhutto’s top general Zia-ul-Haq did not see eye to eye with Mr. Bhutto. One part of the reason was that he was squint eyed and the second that he did not think that Mr. Bhutto was Islamic enough. So he did “Istikhara”


(requesting guidance from God) and after receiving permission deposed the Prime Minister in a coup.


He announced that elections would take place in 90 days. However, the people were so pleased with the General that they beseeched him to stay. Being a true democrat the General could not turn down the request of the masses and decided to stay on to serve them. Just to make sure that he could serve the people with his full attention he declared that the pesky Mr. Bhutto had hanged himself in a fierce police encounter. Being a very hospitable man, he invited all the Muslim Afghan brethren to live in Pakistan. He also helped them fight the infidels from Russia. He had a rich uncle named Sam who provided the required finances.


This pious man would be still in power if it were not for his love of mangoes. He filled up his plane with so many crates of mangoes that it crashed due to the excessive weight. Many in Pakistan were deeply saddened by the loss of such good mangoes.

1988 – 2013 The period from 1947 to 1988 was a game of musical chairs and no one remembers who came and who went and where and why. It is not clear who is running the affairs of Pakistan; in an opinion poll majority felt that it was God.

Scope of Work of the Bidder: 

The bidder will be solely responsible for running the Govt of Pakistan. This will include (but not limited to):
1. Disbanding the band of thieves that has been running the country for the past 65 years and deporting them to their home countries like the USA, Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Great Britain, and Canada.
2. Ensuring that containers are used for the sole purpose of transporting goods.
3. Banning spitting of phlegm, tobacco, niswar, and paan peek in public places and particularly on stairwells.
4. Removing all garbage strewn around the country and dumping it outside.
5. Arresting all the religious extremists and putting them in a rehabilitation centre run by Doctor Maulana Taqreerul Qadri.
6. Removing all the political talk show anchors and using them as anchors for the boats in the oily waters of Kaemari.
7. Changing the foreign policy from misaligned to non-aligned.
8. Eliminating the police force by making it mandatory for them to have a 32 inch waist.
9. Making Hijab mandatory for men and optional for women.

Bidder Qualification:
• Bidders from countries deemed to be more corrupt than Pakistan in the Transparency International Rankings will be subject to immediate disqualification.
• Bidders from previous colonising countries like Great Britain, The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain and France will be given preference.
• Bidders from the USA are not eligible to bid as they are already running the Government of Pakistan.
• Bidders from Nigeria need not apply.
• The language of the bids can be any as long as it is English.
• Influencing the bid evaluation process by means of bribery is strictly prohibited unless it is at least $50 million and made through proper channels.

Submission of Tender:
• Tenders will be submitted in quadruplicate in hard copy by courier.
• As per normal procurement rules 10 per cent of the bid price will be deposited as “goodwill”
• Tenders will be submitted to the following address:
The Section Officer
Services and General Administration Division
Pakistan Secretariat

Closing date for the Tenders is 14 August 2013.

Important: If the country disintegrates before the bid closing date, this tender will be considered null and void.

The author is an engineer turned part-time journalist who likes to hang out at unfashionable places like shrines, railway stations and bus stops.


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