OUR WOMEN & CHILDREN ARE NOT HORSES

‘For a victim of sexual assault like me, TV drama Sangat was a slap in my face’  by Sana Khan is a pen name to protect the author’s identity.

Imagine being 13 years old and being sexually assaulted by a (trusted) member of your family in his 30s, a married man with children.

Imagine not being able to say anything because you’re kind of numb about what just happened, and because you think that perhaps you misunderstood the situation; you think maybe it was just a bad dream because you were sleeping and woke up to this.

Now you are doubting yourself because after all, this person is your much older cousin and you have been friends with him since he came to the country a couple of years ago. Not just that, but his widowed mother has lived with you and your family for the last five years. So after a while, you have convinced yourself that this incident was just a bad dream and couldn’t possible happen in reality.

So you go back to normal – until it happens again and this time in daylight. You then realise the first time wasn’t just a nightmare, it was a reality just like this.

You don’t know what to do, you don’t know if you can tell someone; after all this is family. It would completely destroy his mother and your parents’ relationship with her and his entire family. So you decide to tell no one, but engage yourself in other activities and go on with life.

You are now in high school and the memories of those assaults have been successfully repressed until one day they aren’t. Your grades go down, college is next year and thankfully you have already been accepted to your choice of school. You continue to go on with life, not wanting or having to do anything with that cousin. You managed to successfully cut yourself out of many family events due to ‘school work and other activities,’ but still, there are times you can’t and must face him and pretend nothing happened even though all you want to do is throw up when you see him.

All of a sudden, in your second semester of college, you collapse – you can’t move and are rushed to the hospital due to a paralysis attack. No one has a clue as to what just happened and why. After many tests, the doctors say it is stress and sometimes the body shuts itself down. You know better.

Finally you confide in one of your female cousins, not really knowing what she will say or think. She encourages you to tell your parents and finally you do. That particular family has not lived with you for years now so it is easier. Your father immediately wants to go after him with a gun and everyone makes sure you realise this was not your fault. You feel a certain liberation; your mind feels light as if a huge burden has just been relieved; it has and now you just want to live your life, finally. You realise this is all you needed; to know that your family believed you and is willing to do whatever you need.

Why am I telling you this story?

I’m telling you this story because it’s high time we acknowledge that the drama serials that are made in Pakistan and deal with sexual assault, rape, rapists and child molestation… are more often than not a load of rubbish.

From marital rape in Gul-e-Rana to Chup Raho and Sangat, and to the currently on-air Muqaabil, I am horrified at how sexual assault and rape is being sensationalised.

Also read: Romanticising rape is not okay. So why do Pakistani dramas do it anyway?

In Gul-e-Rana, the hero kidnaps the girl and marries her forcefully because she had said ‘no’ to his rishta. What follows is marital rape, but by the end of serial, the character is still presented as a hero despite being a rapist and wife beater.

In Muqaabil the victim marries the son of her rapist just to get back at him! Are you kidding me? Forget me and my story, but every rape/child molestation survivor I have spoken to would never even want to be in the same room as her attacker, never mind marrying his son and living in the same house.

Yes, they do want to confront their attacker and make sure they are a survivor and not a victim – that is very important, but they would never willingly live in the same house as them, forget marrying their son. The writer just made a mockery out of the ordeal of every child sexual abuse survivor.

Also read: In Sangat, the rapist is both hero and villain — and that’s a problem

Let’s talk about Sangat now. For every victim of rape and sexual assault, Sangat was a slap in their face. You can NOT make a rapist the hero and that too by the victim’s own mother’s hand! Knowing how it feels to keep quiet about this for years, had my parents tried to even hint that perhaps my cousin just ‘made a mistake,’ I’m not sure what I would have done.

I forgave my attacker only when he died in a horrific accident; and that too I did for myself, for my sanity and peace of mind. It was a decision I made.

I fail to understand what our writers, producers, directors and actors are trying to tell survivors of sexual assault. Are your ratings really worth pretending that sexual assault doesn’t exist or worse, that its scars are superficial?

The only shows that I’ve watched that are actually anything close to reality were Roag and Udaari. But even in Udaari, as brilliant as it was written and directed, and as brilliant a job Ahsan Khan did as ‘Pa Imtiaz’ even he made light of it by sharing memes regarding his roles as funny. He (rightly) won Best Actor for his role in Udaari at the LSAs this year and has highlighted this issue a lot more than any other actor, but that doesn’t excuse him from what he did. I do commend him however, for at least trying to highlight this issue even after Udaari ended.

Speaking of Udaari and awards, I felt another blow when Yasir Hussain made a joke about child molestation at the Hum Awards. After that, Ahmad Ali Butt took it further by saying “*mein tou toffiyan bhi kha leyta.” This, ladies and gentlemen, is what passes for humour in our country.

After this, barely any actors or actresses or the channel itself said anything against any of them. Even Hamza Ali Abbasi, who always has something to say about women’s clothes and item numbers, stayed quiet. Later, Noman Ejaz came on stage and compared women to female horses – yes, let that sink in. How these people are allowed in a public setting and given a platform to speak at is beyond my comprehension.

As a survivor and as a woman, I find these people and these industry standards demeaning and insulting.

The issue is that it’s not just writers or actors who are the problem. The directors, producers, and TV channels who chose to be part of these project are equally at fault. They are insulting victims for ratings and money. Rape and child abuse is now just a ratings gimmick and it sells like Shahrukh Khan sells in India.

It is the hottest thing on TV right now and everyone wants to get in for the money. Who actually cares about the issue and how to solve it? Again, aside from Udaari and Roag (thank you Farhat Ishtiaq and Faiza Iftekhar), I haven’t yet seen a serial trying to address the issue with the sensitivity it deserves and actually faulting the attacker and not the victim. My question is why? Why do you not think that the victims deserve respect? Why do the attackers get your benefit of the doubt and victims are made to suffer and at times be humiliated for what they went through? In a society where even talking about this was a taboo, now it is literally being sensationalised like the newest designer handbag or sunglasses.

Please stop selling rape for money and ratings.

You have set a precedent that is hard to reverse. Every single person involved in the making of Gul-e-Rana, Sangat, Muqaabil, and other serials like that and every single person who said nothing to Yasir Hussain and in fact defended him because “he didn’t mean it” should be ashamed of themselves.

If you can’t deal with the subject properly, go back to your saas and bahu scripts; just stop making fun of victims… I beg of you.

Sana Khan is a pen name to protect the author’s identity.

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