Reasons to Love Your Mother-in-Law

While in the U.S. we’re familiar with Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, established to help girls get a feel for a career track, in other parts of the world older women are celebrated for the help they have given younger women with their careers. In Pakistan, for example, Procter & Gamble has a Sponsor Day on which female employees bring to work their mother, mother-in-law or father—whomever they credit for facilitating their careers.

Sponsor Day in Pakistan is featured in a new report from Forbes Insights, titled “Diversity & Inclusion: Unlocking Global Potential—Global Diversity Rankings by Country, Sector and Occupation,” which was co-sponsored by Procter & Gamble, and which I edited.

The intergenerational links between women and work differ around the world. While in Western cultures many women take it for granted that they can hire domestic workers to help them take care of their households or children, in many other cultures such arrangements are economically or socially not possible. A woman who wants to have a career outside the house is much more dependent on her mother or mother-in-law to take care of her family for her.

Reading about Pakistan, I was reminded of my upbringing in then-communist Eastern Europe, where mothers and mothers-in-law were expected to help younger women with child rearing. It was not uncommon to be brought up by a grandmother instead of a mother. Some of my friends who had children completed their university degrees thanks to the older generation of women, who took care of the kids.

Back to Pakistan. According to the report: “’Pakistan has a culture of dependency. The female is the glue that holds everything together. But once [the couple] are married, the in-laws decide and influence if the daughter-in-law will work,’ explains Linda Clement-Holmes, P&G’s Chief Diversity Officer and Senior Vice President Global Business Services. ‘If a Pakistani woman wants to stay in the workforce, it is critical for her to get the support of the family, especially of her mother-in-law. Most Pakistanis live in extended families, and once children come into the picture, the mothers-in-law provide childcare.’”

Ghazala Nadeem, a human resources manager at P&G Pakistan, recalled how she felt back in 1991, when she received two pieces of good news at the same time. She found out she was pregnant with her first child and also got a job at P&G. The first thought that went through her head was: How will I be able to manage both?

Twenty years later, Nadeem, now a mother of three daughters ages 19, 16 and 6, credits her mother-in-law for making it possible for her to have a career: “She has been there for my children when I was at the office, when I went on business trips or on business dinners. She has also supported me by taking care of running of the household. I have never had to worry what is for dinner today. It has always been ready.”

Even in cultures where women do hire domestic workers, the aid—or simply acceptance—from a mother or mother-in-law is crucial, if only for psychological reasons. Another must is to have a husband who understands and accepts that a wife has a career, and may be an equal or even dominant breadwinner. And let’s not forget: The way that husband thinks is largely dependent on how his mother has brought him up.

A mother or mother-in-law can also help a younger woman deal with traditional thinking on the part of the older generation of men. Some fathers may not be happy about their daughters’ careers. A mother or mother-in-law can help defuse the tensions.

According to the report: “Muneeza Khan, an assistant brand manager, is the first woman in her family to hold a full-time job. On occasion, her conservative father had a hard time understanding why she had to put in such long hours or travel for her career. It was her mother who made it possible. ‘She would cover for me to Dad when I was late, and make up out-of-this-world reasons to justify my trips abroad! She was the one to make me coffee when I had to pull an all-nighter,’ she said. Khan’s mother, who didn’t get a chance to receive higher education, encouraged her daughter to study and set career goals for herself since early childhood. ‘In fact, I live her dream—the dream to be an independent working woman supporting her family.’”

That’s a thank-you many mothers or mothers-in-law around the world would like to hear. I know I owe a big thank-you to my mom and my mother-in-law, both homemakers, who have been supportive of me.

Do you?

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